My mum, who isn’t a psychologist but is quite wise, has come up with a phrase; “Manufactured Chaos”.
It means, as you have probably grasped, someone creating chaos on purpose. She uses this phrase in relation to me.
On the one hand, this could be very annoying. It means that whenever I pull one of my party tricks, such as booking a spontaneous plane ticket two days in advance (becoming a worryingly regular habit) or dropping my phone in the bath/sea/a puddle, I will get a knowing nod and a murmur of “manufactured chaos…”.
I don’t live at home so I fully expect this to come over skype, phone, text or smoke signals. Whichever can retain its ‘knowingness’ across the North Sea the best.
On the other hand, it is interesting because of her reasoning behind it. For years, I have been excellent at creating nothing less than pandemonium whenever the urge struck me. By pandemonium I mean things like completely spontaneous trips to places/people, taking on stories far too difficult/dangerous for me, losing everything I touch, taking on twenty projects at once because I want them all etc (interestingly, this is never the case when it comes to the career path. On that front, I am focused, organised and completely in control).
It is always a (very fun) roller-coaster. Apparently, it is apparently quite stressful for those around me and occasionally myself but it is invariably partnered with a huge amount of writing. My best work has come out of some of my most chaotic situations.
Consequently, Mum’s reasoning behind Manufactured Chaos makes sense. She thinks that people, generally ‘creatives’ (dear Lord, what a horrible term. It is as if anyone who isn’t in the business of making arty things has no imagination. Clearly not true; WHAT IS ANOTHER WORD?), create chaos as a trigger for creativity.
Think about the journalist stereotype of working up until the last minute before deadline – not because we have been doggedly dotting each ‘i’ and crossing each ‘t’ but because we have been out doing… well, other fun things.
One of the best columnists I know turned to me a while ago and said “I have to go now, I have a deadline at 9.00am”. It was midnight. She works for an international paper and she hadn’t even started. This is where a knowing nod would appear; “Manufactured chaos”.
Unfortunately, the constant pandemonium comes at a price. We now have to swing back into my personal life with a resounding thud because, like the good journalist I am, I have done absolutely no research, interviews or surveys.
I adore my life and all the weird turns it has taken. A good combination of ambition mixed with the unshakable belief that I am invincible has led me down formerly unimaginable paths. I do, however, harbour an almost constant craving for the routine and calmness that people who don’t create chaos seem to have. I know that it is entirely possible to create this more organised life but I do wonder, is it possible to get that creative anarchy which does help you push yourself, without the chaos that usually triggers it?
The Beret Broadcast 